I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
