I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Damn victory sex feels great
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
