I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
