Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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