Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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