I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
