i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
