garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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