How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
