Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
