brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
