Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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