I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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