I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
