i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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