thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
