Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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