the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
