He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
