I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
