i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
