Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
sex in a hospital.. check
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
