I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
