The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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