it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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