Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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