Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The uberlube is also flammable
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
