I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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