Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
