Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
