this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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