i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
