go do what you do best...puke behind churches
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
