update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
