dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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