it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
