i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
