I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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