discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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