Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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