It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
