soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
