she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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