ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
