The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
