He passed out mid-signature
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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