Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
