After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
