If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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