a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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