You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
