Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Girls should come with a carfax report
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
