Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
