He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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