I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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