That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
