every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
