We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I wear drunk well.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
