Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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