I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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