We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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