someone threw a dead crab at me
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
