Kiss
Puke
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
