Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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