You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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