Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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