I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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