So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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