as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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