it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
