He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
