am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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