my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
