Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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