Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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