hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
