i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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