He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
