Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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