Don't make out with my wife yet
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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