John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
