wat bout pragnant strippers??
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
