I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
