I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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