Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
