I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
