32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
