dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize