If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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