Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
