Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
