my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
