There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
