grandma shit on top of the toilet
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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