you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
