Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
