allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize