I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
