a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
