I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It all started with a game of naked twister.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
