Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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