Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
