Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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