i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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