I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
