you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
