Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
