I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
