If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This is the high leading the old right now
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
