It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
