so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
