It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What a dumb baby whore.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
