I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Say something about gay babies.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
