Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
