since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize