The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
