You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
