went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
