I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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