I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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