i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
