he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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