Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
