I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
